Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
