hotel room ftw
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
