I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
