pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
