So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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