just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
