Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
