Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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