Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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