..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
