This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
