Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
