I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
