Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
