I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
