i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
