READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
