cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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