Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
