After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
