i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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