I think im going to throw up on grandma
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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