Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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