Pants 0. Shit 1.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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