So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
