I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
