Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
