he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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