i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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