and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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