Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
