HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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