hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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