Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
