I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
