The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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