Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
