sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
