I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
