Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i permit you to call me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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