Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
