I didn't shave. On purpose
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
