ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sext me about skeletons
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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