I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
