woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
