Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tonight lets celebrate not being married
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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