I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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