I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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