cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
