drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
