halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
