i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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