We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
