u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
