Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
