Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize