Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have feelings that need drinking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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