Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
