Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
