I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
