do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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