Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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