He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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