i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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