Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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