I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
