My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
